I Have 5 Gen Z Children in the Workforce. They Taught Me Not to Make Work My Identity

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I’ve been working for most of my life. I got my first official job at age 15, cleaning churches on a janitorial crew. I remember how good it felt to get a | SUCCESS

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I’ve been working for most of my life. I got my first official job at age 15, cleaning churches on a janitorial crew. I remember how good it felt to get a paycheck after working hard. I went to the bank with my mother to cash the check and had a mini shopping spree at Toys “R” Us.

As I grew older, life took an unexpected turn when, at 17, I ended up homeless in a shelter. I dropped out of high school, got three fast-food jobs and focused on survival. Work was my lifeline at that stage—my escape from reality and the only way to create a better life.

I eventually left the homeless shelter and got my apartment. At one of the jobs, I met the woman who would become my wife, and we got married the day after I turned 18.

My work history continued with jobs in retail and getting my CDL at 18. With each new job, my salary was higher, and I felt more accomplished. It felt good to support my wife and my first child at age 19.

Whenever I met someone new, they’d ask, “What do you do?” I was happy to tell them about my job and my high salary as a 19-year-old. Without knowing it, I was tying my identity and measure of success to my work.

This pattern and mindset of work being my everything would continue to build over 20 years. It wasn’t until my children started entering the workforce that I realized my identity was ingrained in my work. My Gen Z children taught me lessons about work that my generation didn’t, and it has changed me. Here’s how.

My mother is an African woman from Mombasa, Kenya, and my stepfather is from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. I’m a first-generation African American who grew up with two parents who often talked about the struggles our family faced trying to make a living in Africa.

My mother would tell us that a good job was the key to a successful life. The importance of work was cemented in my mindset. As an adult, I felt so proud to be able to name-drop well-known companies like Pepsi or QuadGraphics when telling others about my work.

At 19, I had the opportunity to start my first business, a vacation-relief service for independent bread vendors. The company cost $100 to start, had low expenses and quickly grew into a highly profitable business. My family was proud.

My identity and how I saw success was deepened toward my work. When my business revenue increased, I was the happiest person you’d ever met; when sales were slow—I felt like a loser.

When my Gen Z children started working, I would ask them about their jobs. I was often surprised at how they viewed work and what their jobs meant to them. I have five Gen Z children who work traditional jobs, and our oldest owns a business.

My Gen Z children see their jobs as a way to earn money to live and do things outside of work. They work to live—not live to work.

They don’t buy into the belief that you work hard for most of your adult life to enjoy the last few years. They told me they use their sick days and other company benefits, such as vacation time, mental health days and discounts offered for employees on merchandise and stays (one works at a hotel). They don’t see this as being a bad or uncommitted employee.

Much commentary is offered about Gen Z. What I see missing from this conversation is that Gen Z is the first generation that doesn’t tie their identity to their work, and to see there’s more to life than work.

“(Gen Z’s) attitude is slightly different because they come in without all the baggage that other generations have carried. (Gen Z) cares more about their life balance than other generations have, and they’re not willing to sacrifice their time like other generations have,” says Melanie K. Hall, a licensed clinical professional counselor, therapist and coach.

I can’t tell you how often someone has told me they feel Gen Z is lazy and doesn’t care about their jobs like previous generations have. However, many previous generations aren’t aware how unhealthy it can be to tie your identity to your work.

Charese L. Josie, a licensed clinical therapist and leadership development trainer who’s worked with different generations in the workforce, says we don’t realize that work has an end date—there’s an achievement wall.

“When we get to that job that we long for, even if we get a promotion, there’s an end date. We have now achieved that goal. And then what we’re not taught is, then, who are we now once that end date has [been] achieved?… We have no idea what’s next for us and who we are, and what’s the next thing for us to grab onto,” says Josie.

I’m 44 years old, and that’s not what my immigrant parents taught me about work growing up. These conversations with my Gen Z children made me realize how much of my identity I had attached to my work.

When I noticed how work was affecting my mindset, I knew I needed help. I decided to get therapy. I’ve had therapy regularly over the past six years, and it’s helped me see that success, growth and who I am are more than what I do for work.

“I not only think it’s unhealthy, I think it’s dangerous to tie our identity to work because work is ever evolving,” says Josie.

My Gen Z children in the workforce helped me understand lessons about life and work that my generation didn’t. I’ve seen them work and earn money to travel, take time off, not work as much as possible, and fund their retirement accounts in earnest so they may retire early and create a life where work becomes optional. Work isn’t the first or main thing they discuss when meeting someone new; it’s how they enjoy life. I’ve seen two of my kids quit jobs that didn’t align with their values and take less pay for jobs that do. I’ve seen them ignore work communication outside of working hours and watched them stick to the strong boundaries they’ve set for their work parameters.

Their outlook, along with therapy, changed my mindset and helped me detach work from being a major part of my identity.

My goal is to spend my working time only on things that contribute to my personal and professional development, and to use my businesses to build financial independence. I’m taking what I earn and investing as much as possible into assets that make my money work for me.

I aim to create a work-optional life that allows me to spend my time, attention and energy living a life of freedom where I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. I used to work seven days a week, but now I take off every weekend. I don’t answer client correspondence outside of normal business hours, and I don’t take meetings anymore.

My wife and I get massages, enjoy fancy meals and spend hours in our favorite place, bookstores, every weekend. I spend more time on my personal development, reading books, watching YouTube videos and listening to fiction audiobooks. I’ve set a goal to take more vacation time than work days, and I understand now that how I achieve success is much broader in scope than what I do for work.

Photo from Kimanzi Constable

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