5 Survival Tips for the Sandwich Generation

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Caring for an elderly parent and also raising a child? Find out how to manage the caregiving juggling act as a member of the “sandwich generation”. | SUCCESS

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Middle aged man caring for elderly parent and young child as part of the sandwich generation

Throughout 2024, a record number of Americans—an average of 11,000 per day—are turning 65. That trend is set to continue through 2027. After the birthday cake is served, a new reality is dawning among the “sandwich generation”—a nickname that describes a group of people providing care for a parent age 65 or older while also raising at least one child younger than age 18.

The push and pull of meeting the needs of both an aging parent and a child affects a growing number of people. In an October 2021 study, the Pew Research Center found that nearly a quarter (23%) of Americans belong to the “sandwich generation.” People in their 40s are the most common age group in the generation, with more than half (54%) of people in this decade of life engaged in a caretaking juggling act.

Looked at more broadly, as Nicole Jorwic, chief of advocacy and campaigns for the advocacy group Caring Across Generations explains, the sandwich generation can include anyone who’s providing care to more than one generation and feels squished between dual caregiving duties—such as someone who is caring for a sibling with an injury or a disability and also caring for a parent. That may make the number of people engaged in dual caregiving even larger—even if it’s not an identity people readily adopt. “Just know that if you’re coordinating care, managing care, delivering meals, all those things mean you’re a caregiver,” Jorwic says. Caring Across Generations aims to make care affordable, accessible and equitable.

Jorwic says the pandemic shined a light on the sandwich generation. “I think what we saw with the pandemic is an exposure of the cracks in the care infrastructure in this country, and one of those big cracks is how much we’re relying on folks that are filling in gaps in aging care and filling in the gaps in childcare,” she says.

The demands of this type of caretaking are immense and the impacts on caregivers are only now being fully understood. Members of the sandwich generation may experience stress due to a lack of personal time, family discord and role reversal because of caring for aging parents—not to mention the stress of the mental load that comes for caretaking. They may also experience anger, anxiety, guilt, depression, loneliness, loss and other complicated emotions as they navigate meeting the needs of those under their care.

“I think the biggest challenge for sandwich generation caregivers is being spread too thin. The reality of having young children rely on you and older generations… rely on you takes a big toll. You never feel like you’re giving enough anywhere,” Jorwic says.

A 2022 University of Michigan study found that “sandwich generation caregivers are twice as likely to report financial difficulty and more likely to report substantial emotional difficulty than their peers who only act as a caregiver to a parent over 65.”

With more people encountering this stressful situation as Baby Boomers age, how can caregivers manage the many demands placed on them and take care of themselves, too?

Jorwic says it’s important for caregivers to discuss their experiences. “So many people are providing care, but not enough people are talking about it and what it means and the toll it takes. We have to bring it out of the shadows,” she says. Talking will not only lead to potential policy solutions in the long run, but it will also help caregivers feel less isolated in the short term. “Talk to those folks who can make you feel seen and heard, and also help you face the next day,” she says. “One way that you can take care of yourself is to not hold it in.”

Remembering many people who receive caregiving have agency—particularly in the case of an aging parent—is paramount, Jorwic says. “Make sure… you’re including them in the process and…that they’re part of the choices about how they’re spending their time,” she says. Involving the person can mitigate discord around caregiving and ensure the person you’re caring for is happy and healthy.

Steve Carleton, LCSW, CAS, and chief clinical officer at Porch Light Health recommends setting clearly defined parameters for what caretaking tasks you’ll handle and those you’ll share with other family members, friends or paid professionals. He suggests mapping out responsibilities and flagging responsibilities you find emotionally taxing. “Such responsibilities are usually signs where help can be solicited from others. Once such responsibilities are identified, caregivers can consider whether they would like to ask for help from relatives or if there is a need to employ someone,” he says. “These considerations would lead to caregivers managing their responsibilities more effectively, thus enhancing their health and wellness alongside the overall quality of care rendered.”

Jorwic recommends accessing the myriad online tools and apps that can help streamline caregiving. This can include registering for health platforms so caregivers can share information, employing task management apps to organize to-do lists and receive reminders, utilizing shared care calendars to coordinate with other paid and unpaid caregivers and tapping into medication management apps.

Self-care encompasses both stress relief strategies, such as daily walks, kitchen dance breaks and/or time in nature, as well as maintaining your own health regimes such as routine physicals and health screenings, all of which can be easily forgotten when in the caretaking trenches.

Self-care is “important for mental and emotional health,” Carleton says. “One of the easiest ways of doing so is mindfulness meditation which also targets anxious feelings. One brisk walk around the block not only has therapeutic value but also breaks the monotony of the day’s strain.”

Many caregivers don’t feel they can take the time away from their many responsibilities to fill their own cup—or they may feel that doing so is selfish. However, taking care of yourself is vital in the long-term, Jorwic says. “The selfish thing would be to be a caregiver who is not taking care of yourself. All of us know what it’s like when we are at the point of burnout… That’s not when you’re providing the best care. While it might feel selfish, it’s actually an act of care for the other person to take care of yourself,” she says.

If caregivers find it difficult to carve out time for self-care, Carleton suggests incorporating “small, intentional moments of self-care throughout the day. For instance, one may practice mindful breathing for five minutes during lunch, take a few minutes to stretch before sleep or enjoy tea quietly in the morning. Such brief breaks can refresh caregivers without a large investment of time.”

While caregivers are providing support, they may not have their own support systems. Seeking professional counseling or a support group may provide the assistance you need to manage the complex emotions that come with caregiving. Carleton observes, “Support groups… add in practical terms a variety of advice and counsel from those who have gone through or are going through the process. Such networks relay support that could help in reinforcing social networks and increasing general well-being.”

Photo by adriaticfoto/Shutterstock.com

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